do i need to leave with a decision about whether to have children?
yes. the decision has three valid forms. by the end of six weeks, you will have one of these: yes (you know you want to become a parent, and you have a next step), no (you know a childfree life is yours, and you're ready to claim it), or not yet, with a clear next step and a deadline (you still don't know, but you're no longer just waiting. you have a concrete action and a date). that last one is not the same as limbo. it's a plan. all three are real answers. none of them are "i'm still going in circles."
how is this different from books like "the baby decision" or self-guided programs?
books and self-guided programs are valuable. but most people who join this group have already read them. the difference is live conversation with other people navigating the same parenthood ambivalence, guided by a death doula and therapist who has spent 8+ years doing exactly this work. the group dynamic creates something no book can replicate.
is this therapy or coaching?
neither, exactly. i am a licensed therapist, and this work is deeply therapeutic. but the program is a facilitated group experience, not individual therapy. it may feel therapeutic. it is not a substitute for psychotherapy. if you're already in therapy, this often complements that work beautifully.
what if i already lean strongly yes or no?
you're still welcome here. strong leanings often carry grief, fear, family conditioning, or unexamined assumptions underneath them. this work helps you know what is truly yours. and that's true whether you're ambivalent or not.
what if my partner and i disagree about whether to have children?
this comes up constantly. the program helps you separate what you actually want from what your relationship dynamic is telling you to want. that's often the most important thing you can do, both for yourself and your relationship.
i'm in my 30s or 40s. is it too late to work through this decision?
this is exactly the age most of the people i work with are. something happens in the 30–45 window. the question becomes more urgent, more real. that's precisely when this work matters most. i had my own kids at 37 and 39. the narrative that this decision has to be made young is not supported by the people i work with.
is this only for women?
no. i work with people of all genders: queer couples, non-binary people, trans people, men, throuples, solo people considering solo parenthood. the question of whether to become a parent belongs to anyone sitting in it. this cohort will reflect who applies.
how many people are in the group?
most groups are 8 people. intentionally small. small enough that you will actually be known, not just another face on a screen. the group dynamic is a core part of what makes this work.
can i do this with my partner?
you can, and some couples have. but many participants from previous cohorts have said, unprompted, that they were glad they did it separately. when you're in the room with your partner, it can be hard to find your own answer versus the answer that feels safe in the relationship. doing it individually first often makes the eventual conversation with your partner clearer and more honest. that said, it's your call. you know your relationship best.
what's the weekly time commitment?
one live group call per week (90 min) plus optional reflections and journaling between sessions (about 30–60 min). most people find themselves thinking about the material throughout the week. no heavy homework load.
how does applying to the group program work?
you fill out a short application form (5 minutes). i read every application personally and reach out within 24–48 hours. if it's a good fit, i'll send you a payment link. this isn't about being exclusive. it's about making sure the group dynamic works for everyone in it.
what is the refund policy?
if you sign up and your availability changes before the course begins, you can switch to a different group at no extra charge. once the course begins, no refunds are given. the group dynamic depends on everyone being committed.
what percentage of people who finish the group choose to become a parent vs. stay childfree?
based on the cohorts so far: roughly 50% leave with yes (they know they want to become a parent and have a concrete next step), 40% leave with no (they know a childfree life is theirs and are ready to claim it), and 10% leave with "not yet" — but that last group doesn't leave in limbo. they leave with a specific next step in their exploration and a date by which they will take it. that is still an answer. all three are real outcomes. none of them are going in circles.
you're leading the group but you are a parent. how do i know you don't have a bias?
totally fair to wonder.
here's the honest answer: i don't think one path is braver or more self-honoring than the other. when i hear childfree women say "i chose myself," i actually push back on that framing. i think whoever follows what their desires are chose themselves. whatever they chose. the parent who really wanted to be a parent chose themselves too.
and as someone who is a parent, i know firsthand how hard this is. i would never want someone to walk into it reluctantly, without clarity, without really knowing. that would be bad for them and bad for the child.
my job isn't to nudge you toward what i chose. it's to help you hear yourself.
